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"We all make mistakes. It's what we do next that matters."

The quote above could easily be based on the previous awful editions of G.I. JOE (RISE OF COBRA AND RETALIATION). But, instead, it's spoken to Snake Eyes, played charmingly by Henry Golding regarding which path he'll choose in the movie.

If you were to tell me that the world needs another G.I. JOE movie, I would've laughed out loud. Yet, surprisingly, SNAKE EYES erases the stench of the previous JOE films and turns in a serviceable, fun action film. But, of course, the keyword in the last sentence is "fun." So often, films got bogged down with taking their genre too seriously (see ARMY OF THE DEAD). SNAKE EYES doesn't do that. Also, it has some great action with a three-challenge vibe reminiscent of HARRY POTTER GOBLET OF FIRE, complete with a Slytherin-like snake test.

Look, I'm not saying that SNAKE EYES will win any awards, yet I can't think of anything drastically wrong with it. It has excellent chemistry between its leads - Golding and Andrew Koji (Tommy), a globe-trotting plot, and enough shaky camera action to make Paul Greengrass jealous.

Do yourself a favor. Grab a couple of drinks, a large popcorn, check your brain at the door, and enjoy this fun empty caloric thrill ride. You could do a lot worse. I'm looking at you, OLD.

It's currently available in theatres.

And just like that, CENTRAL PARK is back turning in mediocre musical television. In another flashback-heavy episode, audiences learn how Owen proposed to Paige. Unfortunately, the songs and musical style are as underwhelming as his generic proposal.

Elsewhere, Bitsy and Molly strangely bond over funny illustrations. Could this be plot momentum to have anything happen in season 2? I don't know since the show doesn't explore it further and focuses more on the Owen storyline. 🤦‍♂️

Look, I'm all for heavy flashback episodes and quick, witty one-liners, which CENTRAL PARK has now mastered. Yet, the show continues to be about nothing. I "propose" it figures out what story it wants to tell and take the audiences somewhere besides big musical numbers (see Apple TV+'s SCHMIGADOON for how to do that).

It's available to skip on Apple TV+.

I fell asleep for thirty minutes in OLD and lost one year of my life. Well, I actually fell asleep for about five minutes, but it did feel like that.

So there's good M. Night, UNBREAKABLE, SIGNS, SPLIT, and there's bad M. Night, THE HAPPENING, LADY IN THE WATER, and now, OLD.

The premise and setup for OLD is a perfect Hitchcock-like mystery. A group of hotel guests goes to a beach, and unbeknownst to them, every thirty minutes is one year of their life. And cue some crazy stuff to start "happening." This premise works for the first act, but after seeing the characters face one aging dilemma after the next, it gets washed ashore in tedious plotting. As a result, the actual M. Night "twist" is more underwhelming than THE VILLAGE.

M. Night believes this non-horror film has something to say about aging. But, sadly, it doesn't. We get old, and we die. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, and that's the extent of insight we get from being stranded on Night's beach for a little over 90 minutes.

OLD is currently available in theatres.


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